Pitch (revised slightly): Ten years after Santa has revealed his existence to humanity, three kids must take down his secret global surveillance program after accidentally discovering it on a school trip to the North Pole gone awry.
500 Words (not so much a revision of the original, but the other one of two different versions of the beginning that I'm trying to choose between.):
There are three things you need to know.
One: You’re being watched. Oh, maybe not all the time, and maybe not right now, but sometime in your life you’ve been right smack dab in the center of a computer screen in the North Pole, under the watchful gaze of elves. Maybe it was just a brief, second-long glance; maybe they have an entire file on you. But it doesn’t matter. Because no matter if you’ve been good or bad, some time or another you’ve been under watch, and sooner or later you will be again. All you can hope for is that they don’t see you reading this journal. Because if you do, well, I won’t say you’re screwed since you probably already are, but bad things are going to happen at a much higher frequency. But maybe you already know that. And maybe you don’t care, or don’t care about safety as much as you care about finding out the truth. Good. You’ll need that determination.
Two: You know this. It may just be an inkling of doubt at the back of your head, but you've always known this. After all, how does Santa come up with the Naughty and Nice lists? He gets it right, every time, doesn’t he? Your parents don’t report you, you certainly don’t fill out self-evaluations, and there are simply not enough elves to go around to have one stationed in every home. And even magic only goes so far. No, it’s the digital age, baby. There’s a better way to skin this cat, without the cat even knowing. Because what it doesn’t know can’t hurt it, right?
But it still quite uncomfortable now that you think about it, isn’t it.
Three: Maybe you want to do something about it. Maybe you don’t. (No, this isn’t need-to-know number three. That’s coming up later. This is something to do. Or don’t.) I don’t know and it’s not in my place to tell you what to do. But at least you care, and that’s a start. You’re already further ahead than probably ninety percent of the adults on the planet.
All I can do is tell my story, what I’ve done, how it turned out, and hope that it makes you think a little bit, whatever those thoughts may be. And let me tell you something: I’m still not completely sure what I think. That’s why thinking is a verb, right? Once you start, you have to keep doing it. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s the there is no such thing as true right or wrong in the world of grownups. Not even the side that I’m on. And that sure makes things a whole lot more complicated, as I’m sure you’ll see for yourself. I did what I did not because I wanted to, but because I couldn’t not do it. All I can do now is tell what happened and see what happens from there.
Hopefully something. Maybe nothing.